‘FORGIVENESS: THE ESSENTIAL POINT OF BEGINNING’
The most common component in the lives of all humanity is this thing we call sin. It is also one of the most misunderstood aspects of our collective and individual lives. For just a brief background on sin and how God remedies it for us we must go back to the first few chapters of the book of Genesis:
Sin is a matter of distrust in what we know of what God has said to us.
What is commonly referred to as ‘the forbidden fruit’ was the object of the sin Adam and Eve had already committed. Granted, between the time they made their choice to believe what was told them through the serpent and actually committing the deed (ingesting the fruit) they had opportunity to alter their course, but they did not do that. You see, God explicitly told them they were at liberty to eat of any tree in the garden, but this one tree bore fruit that would have deadly consequences. Later this snake creature appears and being embodied by satan, the deceiver, they were told God was actually using that tree to ‘keep them down on the plantation’. He, satan through the aid of the snake, called God a liar and charged God with keeping them from the very fruit that would put them on equal footing with God. At the end of the exchange, they were convinced to believe this lie about God. In fact, their choice meant they thought it possible God was telling them a lie. Now every person on the planet has that same tendency to believe what sounds comfier to them than what they know of what God has said to them, and over them.
While this event was disappointing, it was not unexpected. Neither was it a real ‘game-changer’, for God had already preset a process to remedy man’s consequences of his own making. Fast forward to our time and we have the benefit of a full account of Christ’s redemptive sacrifice on His cross explaining how we get out of the weeds on this sin problem we all have. And the first part of the process is the matter of atonement—which is begun by the PROCESS of forgiveness. (More on ‘PROCESS’ can be seen at the following link:
Forgiveness is the expression of a dominant character trait that is inviolable with God. This truth was driven home to me when I read a single verse found in Isaiah 43:25 (kjv) “I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.” God’s forgiveness, according to what Isaiah heard the Holy Spirit tell him to pen, is ‘for His sake’ while at the same time (implied, not expressed) for our benefit. And when we apply 1 John 1:9 we do not confess our sin(s) to obtain forgiveness but BECAUSE His forgiveness has been given. Another way to put it is to say we do not confess our sins for forgiveness and cleansing to appear, but because it has already appeared before us and this is how we reach out to apply it.
Another important point we need to understand is the teaching that if we do not forgive, our prior forgiveness is annulled by God. In Matthew 18:21-35 we find a parable dealing with forgiveness. I’ll just outline the highlights but the whole passage is well worthy of your time to read.
A king was reminded of a great debt owed him by one of his subjects. He determined to call him in to settle accounts. The man’s reaction was an emotional appeal for ‘time’ to pay the enormous debt. The plea was “have patience and I will pay it all”. I’m reading a little into the story, but I can imagine this king assessing the fact this individual was broke – without resources. He was being asked to agree to several lifetimes of patience. The king had two options before him that made any sense. Put the man in prison, enslave his family and write off the loss OR simply write off the loss and ‘forgive’ the debt. Now, here is what happened and what we need to understand about the matter of forgiveness: 1) We cannot give what we have not received. 2) If we received the forgiveness, we are compelled by gratitude to extend forgiveness. 3) IF we feign receipt of forgiveness but do NOT forgive others, we expose what we really chose. If we cannot come to the place of forgiving others, we actually took OUR deal – ‘be patient and I’ll reform’ – and our demeanor toward others will express legalism instead of grace. When we find ourselves at this place, we need to return to God to fully receive His forgiveness and we will find ourselves willing and able to do the really hard work of forgiving another. Until we do, we shall be forced to endure the slavery and servitude of the legalistic system under which we chose to live.
Recognize what happens when we are offended by another. Immediately the flesh, the world and satan (demons) impact our emotions. We internalize the hurtful actions of the other, whether real or imagined. The devil cares not the offence is real or imaginary. It is his desire we RECEIVE the offense. Just look around at our current society. There is actually a curriculum found in much of public education – even at the elementary level – convincing kids that based on their skin pigmentation they are EITHER a victim or a victimizer. Between education and societal pressures, I get the impression their message is “If you ain’t offended you ain’t cool”.
If we buy into the idea that we need to internalize offenses, our emotions will immediately and ferociously caution us to retreat into our victimhood. Our first impulse is a counter move by sharing our offenses with others, thereby drawing them to our ‘side’. The next step of satan is to make judgments about the offending party and to take careful note of events or behaviors that led up to the offensive incident. At that point it is most likely these judgments and observations will lead us to make vows. We set up a defense perimeter to shield us from similar people, events, behaviors, and circumstances. At this point we have become our own ‘home-grown security detail’. Step by step we cement in these iron bars of containment until we are a true victim, but not of the offense. We become the victim (captive) of bitterness. When we realize our only ‘key’ to our own cell is that of forgiveness, that process is so uncomfortable we feel safer, less vulnerable, and much more comfortable in our bondage to bitterness that we turn our back on the Holy Spirit. We, then, become ‘religious’ (usually legalists) instead of ‘believers’ (see John 6:28-29).
Hopefully you copied that link I gave you earlier and you read up on the matter of ‘process’. Having ministered in this area of forgiveness for decades, there is a common response when the subject is engaged over past hurts – that still hurt. When bringing up the subject of forgiveness, it is almost invariable that I get the reply “BUT, I’ve already forgiven them.’ My reply is to ask them to go through the prayer of forgiveness with me so we can check it out and see if they went through the whole ‘process’ of forgiveness. We’ll get to that shortly.
There are valid reasons we resist forgiveness, but they are all rooted in our emotions – not rooted in the Word of God.
They haven’t been punished enough. This one is the most irrational when we consider what is going on. When we are ‘punishing’ people through unforgiveness it is, as someone said, as if they are living rent free in our minds. The torment (punishment) works against the unforgiving. Wise up and abandon that position.
If I forgive them, they’ll be free to do it again. While we see the fallacy of this statement, it is deeply rooted in our emotional response(s). Never forget the most common source of lies we are told come from our own emotions.
They don’t deserve my forgiveness. This third reason is, perhaps, the most compelling. It is also an easy conclusion to reach because we know ‘worthiness’ is beyond all of us. This is also exposing the option we chose between our own forgiveness from God or operating in the self-righteous system of self-improvement. It also is a subtle way of saying ‘they need to confess what they have done’. After all, that’s the way God does it, right? Wrong. If the parable taught in Matthew 18 teaches us anything, it is the need to abandon operating to create our own righteousness. Instead, we need to expect God to be faithful in His promise (taking the responsibility) to cleanse us. OUR responsibility is to submit to it, to receive it and, once received, to GIVE it.
My observation is we do not ‘feel’ compelled to deal with past, or present, offenses unless, and until, they present a problem for us. It is at this point we have arrived at the end of the PROCESS described as follows:
“Anything suppressed and not addressed will eventually be expressed.” Multitudes of people, many we know—or possibly we are one of them—have lived a lifetime suppressing unpleasantness. Taking (receiving, installing) an offense sets up influences in our lives that reach out to take control when incidents trigger certain responses. Why do certain things bother us on a deep level? Why are my reactions so predictable when certain ‘buttons’ are pushed – emotional buttons? Those reactions are the normal result of something suppressed and something not addressed. Let me give you a for instance or two:
In a relatively small, yet powerful, Church in Michigan, an older woman was attending a series of meetings taught by my mentor in the ministry, Jeff Floyd. In dealing with these suppression issues, he would commonly have those attending his sessions pray a prayer to ask God to reveal any ‘cracks’ in their life’s foundation. It is universal that all who honestly ask God to shine a light on these things will realize something they have yet to ‘deal’ with. This older woman, in her early 70s, prayed this prayer not really expecting an answer. Yep – God showed her something she experienced as a young girl in elementary school. She loved playing dress up. Her father loved getting cleaned up and relaxing in his easy chair with a newspaper waiting on supper. He was a factory worker – no air conditioning, not the cleanest environment and this time was his time to wind down. This little girl, though, was amusing herself in her mother’s closet and came out in one of mom’s dresses and dress shoes. Proud of herself she came into the living room and struck a pose and asked her daddy “What do you think?” His response was not meant to be abusive but was, nonetheless, thoughtless. He gruffly replied “YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS. Go get out of those things and get ready for supper.” Realizing she had been hurt from her father, realizing she had never ‘dealt’ with the issue, she allowed God to show her how she felt, how she was hurt, and she decided to apply the printed prayer to that particular episode in her life. At their next meeting her testimony was this: “From that time forward, for the rest of my life, I always wondered what my father would think of how I looked when I got dressed for the day.” She went on to say, “For the first time I can remember, I got dressed today and his approval, or disapproval, did not come to mind.”
Then there was this incident from my own experience in helping teach the ‘Lay Aside Every Weight’ seminar in Shelby, NC. The mentor for many of us was scheduled to teach on the subject of freedom found in forgiveness but instead gave an appearance at his local hospital. He quickly relayed his regrets in not being able to keep the commitment and offered to either re-schedule the event or assemble a team of teachers to proceed as planned. The pastor of the host Church chose to proceed with the ‘B team’ leading the event. I was one of the team chosen to ‘sub’ for Jeff Floyd who wrote the ‘Lay Aside Every Weight’ seminar. Much of his teaching is incorporated in this article.
I was scheduled to teach on my portion of the seminar on the second day. I must state my presentation of the topic assigned to me was the weakest of all – and that is not false humility coming from me. However, I was supposed to be there. Here’s why I say that:
Well after my weak presentation, we came to a point where the outlined program called for a break. I was making my way against the stream to speak to one of the team who was at the front of the auditorium. One man in particular was coming my way, our eyes locked, and I saluted him with the customary ‘Good Morning’. His response was a bit jarring. His eyes were sad. In desperation he replied, “If this doesn’t work for me, I don’t know what I’m going to do!” I don’t know, just something about what he said, the way he looked, and the way he said it made me wonder if something might be awry in his life.
In a few short sentences this man related a story so shocking I was having difficulty in my ability to lead him to do what I knew he must do so that he could chart his course to freedom.
This is his experience he shared with me:
It was a recent event framed around those close moments when a husband and wife are drifting off to sleep and enjoying their closeness. I’m sure you know the experience of drifting off to sleep when you begin a dream, but you’re not fully asleep. Just at that time, his wife began hitting him, screaming at him and acting as though defending herself. In just a few minutes he was able to bring her out of her dream and they began to talk about something she had never shared with him. She was not dreaming as much as she was experiencing a flashback of an extremely dark and scarring incident in her life as a girl – I would guess from what he said, while she was a pre-teen. Her grandmother was a bona-fide, certifiable witch. She was a leader in a coven made up of men and women worshipping satan and offering to him sacrifices. The particular night she had flashed back to, was the night she was lured into their meeting. Much to her horror, she discovered the evening sacrifice was her virginity. I don’t know if every male violated her, or only a select number, but it was repeated over and over. The night of her flashback she was back there, but in her mind, her husband was one of the pedophiles approaching her. This husband almost shook when he told me that since that night, all he wanted to do was kill that grandmother. At that point something inside me wanted to load him up in my rental car, go to a pawn shop and I would pay for the gun. I am convinced God allowed that emotion to present itself only long enough to understand the emotional state of this man.
Now you can understand how I wish our mentor, Jeff, could have been there and could have shared how God victoriously delivered this man from his misery – but Jeff was NOT there but the time he spent mentoring me WAS there – more importantly, God’s Holy Spirit was there, and He (Holy Spirit) took over. Here’s how this man’s trek to freedom played out.
I knew it would take time for God to bring this man to a place where he could override his emotions and to wrench free from this gut punch. I asked if he would be available after the seminar closed, which would be in about 4 hours. He affirmed he would. I was acutely aware there were many issues that piled in atop this one, and my one session with him would not suffice, yet we needed to begin. I asked him if he was a member of the host Church, and he said no. I then asked if his pastor was present, and he said yes. At this point I was the desperate one. It was imperative someone take up this battle and hoped, prayed, and counted on his pastor meeting with us. He said he would ask his pastor to meet with us and it was confirmed at the next break that the pastor agreed.
At this point I had no idea what this pastor was getting from the seminar – was it help for himself alone or was he wanting to know how he could help his members be free. As it turns out, it was both. My next concern was in knowing some deliverance from demonic control was necessary and I had no knowledge of who this pastor was or what he thought about the matter of deliverance, but I trusted God to do in him, and with him, all that was necessary.
The seminar having concluded, we headed for an appointed room, and for the first time I met his pastor. By this time, I had prayed hard for this man. You know, the desperate kind of praying when you know it is imperative God show up and be God. He (God) did and showed Himself mighty. At the conclusion of this article I will share with you the components of the prayer I led this man to repeat after me – cautioning him this was an agreement made with God, and not to be repeated lightly.
That prayer starts out by declaring a choice made to unconditionally forgive the offender. I know his prayer was real and genuine because I saw him struggle – and win – against all his emotional responses. He made the declaration through clenched teeth as though he was forcing each word out of his mouth despite his emotional opposition. To make a long story short, he saw face to face what it meant to confront God’s grace head-on. He saw what was necessary for him to do but lacked any ability to perform it. He had to steel his determination that what God required of him, God would enable. After that, it was not a hard task to lead him through the prayer of deliverance over several demonic attachments and as a result, he had a level of freedom that exceeded his experience before this horrific incident.
My final counsel to him was his need to share this experience with his wife, but to do so cautiously. She may be offended by even the thought of forgiving her grandmother. As it turns out, this advice was unnecessary. I would give you the name of the pastor but have not asked permission. Just know he has become one of the most articulate voices teaching this seminar. Fortunately for me, and the gentleman we ministered to, this pastor was in attendance because of his hunger to do a deep dive into something so profoundly effective that he has impacted the course of many people.
We parted company and I was confident God had set up the whole thing… for which I was greatly relieved. I left the building headed for my rental car to catch my plane back home and noted Norma Floyd about to leave. Since the seminar had ended about an hour or more previous, I was surprised to see her. She explained there was a woman there needing ministry and they had just finished. To our great surprise and delight, we discovered we were separately ministering over this couple! Someday maybe I’ll get to hear what happened when they got together after their mutual encounter with God’s grace.
I could spend pages and pages relating stories of many different impactful offenses with the same glorious victory ending, but I think you get the picture. What I wish to share with you next is the components of forgiveness in the form of a prayer we use – a prayer which has affected freedom in a multitude of lives. Before I do, I would relate one more story.
I subsequently spent some years as an associate pastor at Norhill Baptist Church, Houston, Texas. Jeff Floyd was pastor, and on several occasions, he taught this same seminar. I met a public school teacher at a meeting – I believe a Sunday night service – where the subject of forgiveness was shared. I believe it was leading up to a full conference. However, it occurred I had opportunity to speak with this teacher going through a very difficult time. He blew the whistle on teachers altering test scores for various students so their school(s) could achieve an overall higher academic standard than was deserved. When he did, it resulted in his contract not being renewed and him being unable to get a teaching position in any school in his district. He finally found acceptance in a Dallas school district. With retirement not that far off, he opted to rent an apartment in the Dallas area and would commute, weekly, to Dallas. He was bitter over being ostracized for doing the right thing.
Neither he nor I had time to go through a ministry session, so I handed him a ‘prayer card’ and suggested he pray that prayer for every incident that painfully presented itself in his memory. I didn’t see him again for over a month, but he searched me out after Church to tell me the freedom he received from God. He told me he prayed that prayer so often he did not need to read it off the card. In fact, he said he spent several trips to and from Dallas praying forgiveness for a large number of individuals piling on to cause him harm.
PRAYER PREP: When we embark on this journey to be free, we often are unaware of why we have recurring problems or reactions to people or circumstances. When we sense something needs to be confronted, our first thought is to confess anything and everything we’re doing that might be sin. And that may be the appropriate step to take, but in my experience, there is often something in my background that interferes with my reactions. More often than not, I need to pray this prayer: “Father, reveal to me what it is You are bringing to the surface of my emotions You have me ready to confront.” I don’t usually get an immediate answer, but I almost always get the answer. When I do, it is usually in the nature of having been offended – hurt by someone. Often what He brings up is surprising to me. No matter how surprising or trivial it may seem, I have learned to take time to let the experience return to memory with the pain intact. And it only brings back the pain just long enough to get rid of it. Then I bring out this prayer and go through it thoroughly and thoughtfully.
Now, here is that prayer of forgiveness that destroys the root of bitterness:
Heavenly Father, I make this choice right now to forgive (the name of your offender) for the offense I perceived against me (briefly name the offense but take time for the memory of it to return – even being open to experience again the pain it caused).
First step in this forgiveness ‘transaction’ –
I forgive (the person or persons) unconditionally for those things done which brought hurt in my life. *1
I drop every charge I have expressed verbally or emotionally against (insert the name) arising out of this offense. *2
I cancel every judgment I have made against (insert name). *3
Father, I cancel every vow I have made resulting from this painful experience. *4
I recognize, Father, (insert name) is responsible for their behavior and in this case responsible for being offensive. I relinquish all attempts to remedy what happened except to acknowledge (insert name)’s behavior is between You and them. I pray Your redemption, Your restoration and Your grace and mercy cover them.
I do, however, assume responsibility for my response to their behavior – my attitudes, my actions and my previous choice to take on this offense. *5
Therefore, I RELEASE (insert offender’s name) in the power and authority of the name of the Lord, Jesus Christ, from any and all responsibility for the hurt caused by this offense and without regard for how deeply I may have been hurt or injured. *5, *6
Now, precious Heavenly Father, emotionally or overtly I have held You responsible for allowing this offense to occur. Realizing that I drop any and every such charge I may have made against You and I ask Your forgiveness. Further, forgive me for accepting offense and pain, forgive me of my bitterness, my anger and holding onto unforgiveness.
I receive Your forgiveness and repent of any judgments and/or vows I have against myself that would tend to take on the responsibility for the development of my inner man. I submit totally to You for correction, for discipline and the processes creating in me the likeness of Christ. *7
*1 We are beginning a process of expressing the nature of God in this choice. When we receive forgiveness God does not take us through a series of self-improvement courses. When we repent of our sinful nature, God applies the reality of dying to ‘self’ and takes the responsibility to raise up life within us, creating a completely new and different nature. When we disperse forgiveness, we also despair of repairing the brokenness of the offending person. Instead, we take away all our conditions for their forgiveness and their future development. Their becoming Christ-like is no longer our responsibility. As long as our forgiveness is ‘conditional’ we are taking on a responsibility that is not ours. In fact, we are being counterproductive.
*2 Being in a painful situation is only a surface issue when we are offended. The reality is that within our own emotional response we have concluded this person intended to hurt us OR should have been aware of the pain caused. Thus, we conclude this person is RESPONSIBLE for all that resulted. Spiritually it is the very equivalent of appearing before a court of authority and filing charges of misconduct against them and petitioning for justice. Forgiveness does not exist when those charges remain intact OR remain as an option to reinstate in the future.
*3 Judgments resulting from a pattern of behavior characterize a person’s life. We come to that place when we decide ‘that’s just the way they are‘ or ‘that’s all you can expect from them’. It is like the branding of Scrooge. Scrooge is perceived as a greedy, miserable, heartless tyrant of a boss. But according to the account given in the story, Scrooge becomes kind, generous and thoughtful. Judging someone based on their patterns of behavior excludes the possibilities of redemption and restoration. We must remove that.
*4 In response to various painful circumstances we ‘vow’ to alter our behavior OR to avoid exposure to things we sense may be harmful to us. The problem is a matter of focus. A vow usually puts a demand on our personal performance – summoning the strength of our own resources. We tend to gravitate toward our focus. The result is we are drawn to the thing we vow to avoid. The rule of faith is that it is growing trust in those objects of our focus. When the finished work of Christ is our focus, then biblical faith is our sure reality.
*5 In the ‘Lay Aside Every Weight’ seminar an important point is made: “No one can hurt you without your permission.” In our ‘old’ nature we are hard wired for self (the flesh) being always connected to the world system under the influence of satan, as well as being tempted by satan’s personal influences. I must understand my responsibility to be vigilant that my responses are subject to the observation of all the ‘commandments’ of Christ. I (we) must learn to monitor our emotional responses and reject those designed as barriers to our trust in Christ. Being vigilant to monitor our emotions will prevent us from permitting offenses to be internalized.
*6 Forgiveness presupposes there is no more ‘debt’. When an obligation is memorialized in a written document, those terms and conditions can be enforceable by law. When a release of that obligation is paid, a release precludes the possibility of enforcement. All our obligations were satisfied at the CROSS of Christ. When we have received our release, we can extend the same to our offenders.
*7 Lastly, we need to settle in our minds the various responsibilities involved in my pain. I am not responsible for the choices and behavior of others whether that affects me, my life or those I love.
I am responsible to submit to God… working both in me, and in those around me. I am to realize it is God who takes the responsibility for my development, but it is MY responsibility to surrender to Him and submit to His processes.
When we pray through this prayer, we need to take just a moment upon completion and look back on the offense. Ask yourself if you see it differently. Ask yourself if pain is still attached to the memory. If you do not see the situation through a new perspective OR if the memory still hurts, start over and do it again until these two issues are resolved. It may be necessary for you to ask a trusted friend to help by leading you through the prayer while you focus only on the transactions being made.
Coming shortly in the blog pages of rurn2life.com you will see this article appear:
I WAS SURPRISED GOD LED ME TO FORGIVE THESE PEOPLE!!! Watch for the title:
“Forgive WHO?!?!”
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